Saturday, January 30, 2010

Mind Matters: Gossip in the Lab -- Proceed with Caution

Mind Matters: Gossip in the Lab -- Proceed with Caution

- Irene S. Levine

1. Avoid gossip if you can.

2. If you must gossip, gossip judiciously

3. If you hear gossip, exercise discretion

4. Don't believe everything you hear, even if disbelieving requires, well, a willing suspension of belief.

5. Only gossip among people you know and who know you.

6. If you're a manager, assess whether gossip is symptomatic of a paucity of communication

7. Know when and how to draw the line

8. The problem with gossip is that one day it will be about you.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Gandhi and Nehru at “Rakhi ka Swayamvar”

Gandhi and Nehru at “Rakhi ka Swayamvar”

Gandhi and Nehru were rewarded with free passes to visit earth for their exceptionally good behavior in heaven.

Gandhi woke up early in the morning, like he does always, finished his morning prayers and made tea with goat’s milk for Nehru and himself. Nehru thanked Gandhi for savory tea and asked about his plans for the day.

“Oh. All in a day’s work, I shall saunter around Sabarmathi ashram and maybe then I shall go for Ram Bhajan and spend my rest of the day.”

“You have not come here to do the same quotidian things that you have been doing in donkey’s years. Let’s do something different, let’s go for a movie.”

Gandhi had to grin and bear it. Both of them went to watch “Lage Raho Munnabhai” and loved the movie from beginning to end.

Nehru said “I wish I were also a tenant of the old age home where Vidhya Balan stays. Then I would get to see her every day. She is so beautiful!”

“Was it so inexplicable for you to assimilate what the movie was all about? Have you not perceived how Gandhian ways of life are revered and complied? All you could see was the pretty little lady in the movie”

“Revered, yes, complied, I don’t think so. Whoever follows your principles will be treated as screwball. That’s what happened in the movie, isn’t it? Your doctrines do not work any longer Gandhi"

“You are talking out of your hat. How can you say such churlish things about my ways of life? Do you not acknowledge that we got our independence from British through my way?”

“Huh, gone are those days and your ways, now no one would turn the other cheek if you slap, rather you will lose your 32 teeth if you attempt to do so”

After a brannigan about Gandhian principles both of them agreed to the bitter truth that Indians and people around the globe do respect what Gandhi said and followed, but it is just that very few people believe in practicing.

“Now that we have seen the movie, let’s go and find Vidhya Balan. May be we should visit some studios; those are the places where we may have better chance of finding her” said Nehru.

“You are away with fairies; you will not stand a chance before her.”

“I have been there Gandhi. Don’t you belittle my credentials, I fare much better than that ostensibly bald hero, ah…What’s his name, Sanjay Dutt. And, have you forgotten about my shenanigans with Lady Mountbatten? If I could win a Caucasian lady’s heart, why not Vidhya’s? By the way, speaking of white women, my grand children and great grand children are also good at this job. We all are fast workers Gandhi; got my drift?”

Gandhi had to agree with what Nehru said and instead of going to Yashraj studios, by mistake they ended up going to NDTV studios.

The place was well lit and adorned with various colored flowers. Poles of the frames were enswathed with bright colored silk drapes and strings of flowers. Everyone was dressed so colorful, and it appeared as if they were in a wedding ceremony. That’s when a big billboard caught their attention, it’s written with big letters “Rakhi ka Swayamvar”.

“Wait, are these people behind times? How do you mean by Swayamvar? Is it practiced in India nowadays?” asked Gandhi.

“Apparently so, I reckon it should be the same way that it used to be. In Sathyayug it was ‘Sita ka Swayamvar’, now in Kalyug it is ‘Rakhi ka Swayamvar’. Oh. Dear Rakhi! I now remember watching “pardesi yeah hai such hai piya” song in heaven, oh man! I tell you she has got the best. Even Lord Indra agreed that Ramba, Urvasi and Menaka are nothing in front of her. I want to try my luck.” said Nehru.

“So would I” uttered Gandhi without thinking twice.

“How will we go about participating, since we are only souls and can’t be seen?” asked Nehru.

“Ok, let’s get in to some of the competitors’ bodies. Looks like we are lucky, we arrived at finals of the Swayamvar. It’s a competition between you and me Nehru.”

Nehru chose a seemingly well built and smart looking guy and entered in to his body. Gandhi, to Nehru’s surprise, chose a half bald, who is an NRI from Canada.

“Why are you making this competition easy for me by choosing the loser” asked Nehru.

“We shall see who will be the loser” replied Gandhi.

Competition began, there were three finalists, and two of them were of course Gandhi and Nehru. After a round of elimination, Gandhi and Nehru stood as two finalists. In the final round Rakhi has to decide whom she is going to wed.

Rakhi: “Oh Dears, I am so glad that you both have made it to the finals. You both fared well in relationships round and won my heart but as you understand I want to choose someone who is bright as button. Now it is the final test, I shall ask three questions related to English, Mathematics and Science.
Here is the 1st question related to English:
If Ram’s mother has five sons and their names are Rama, Rame, Rami and Ramo, what is the last son’s name?”

Both Gandhi and Nehru knew the answer is ‘Ram’ but Gandhi chose to answer it as “Ramu” and Nehru said “Ram”

Rakhi congratulated Gandhi for the right answer and looked at Nehru and asked him to go back to kindergarten.

Before Nehru recovered from shock, the second question related to mathematics was asked.

“2,4,5,1 and 3 what is the middle number?”

Nehru immediately said ‘5’ even before he was asked to answer. Later Gandhi coolly said ‘3’.

Rakhi announced Gandhi as winner of the second round and gave a odd look at Nehru”

Since there was no need of third round Gandhi was announced as winner of Rakhi’s heart. They exchanged garlands. And the ceremony was over in few minutes.

Later Nehru asked Gandhi “how you can win her by giving wrong answers?”

Gandhi replied “I gave the answers which she thinks are right. I came to know her fatuousness when she said the first question is related to English. Then I realized what kind of answer she is expecting.”

Although Gandhi refused to leave Rakhi and go back to ashram, when Nehru explained the repercussion of staying back with Rakhi, he was ready to leave. Both of them left the bodies of the competitors’ and headed towards the ashram.

Courtesy: NDTV, Times of India and Google of course.